


doppelt.

by schnaf



Series: doppelt. [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (everyone who had to read Der Sandmann in school too deserves a big hug), (i also dove back into german romance - as in the era), (i researched quantum physics for this fic and doubted my life choices), AU - or is it?, M/M, Phandom Big Bang 2020, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:46:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schnaf/pseuds/schnaf
Summary: The big wheel in Manchester. The big wheel in another Manchester. Phil's disappearance. Finding Phil - twice. Dealing with Doppelgängers. That's not exactly what Dan expected from their first meeting. But in the end, being with Phil is all that matters.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: doppelt. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929415
Comments: 12
Kudos: 10





	1. outsider.

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! this is my fic for the [phandom big bang](https://phandombigbang.tumblr.com) \o/  
> thanks for working with me to my amazing artist [Divy](https://holyjesusonatricycle.tumblr.com) and my brilliant beta [Charlie](https://microoowave.tumblr.com), i'm proud of our results ♥
> 
> also a kissy to [Yani](http://Succubusphan.tumblr.com/) for your help ♥
> 
> and finally - a little side note. because i don't know how common the word "doppelgänger" is - if people actually know it or if it's just a fancy term i memorized because "haha see? english feeling the need to borrow german words again, what a loser" :D it means "double".

’Okay, I’m going on the big wheel now, I’ll text you when the ride is over  
I love you <3’

Dan stares at the message until his phone screen turns dark again.

Phil’s last message. It feels so surreal - every now and then, Dan just looks at the message, trying to grasp its meaning. Not the meaning of the text per se, but...

Phil’s last message. Sent two days ago. Since then...

Dan lifts his head, he looks outside. The view is amazing, that’s for sure. On top of the big wheel, Manchester seems so small... But he just can’t appreciate the scenery. This isn’t how it was supposed to be, damn it. He never wanted to be here, at least not on his own. He -

’One day, I’ll take you to the big wheel.’  
’One day, we’ll take a ride on the big wheel together.’  
’I can’t wait for the day we go on the big wheel together.’

Dan bites his lip. Damn, he can’t cry again. It just doesn’t help. Nothing helps. There’s nothing he can do. Just going on the big wheel over and over again, watching Manchester get smaller and bigger, exiting the cabin, starting over again... Yet, it’s all for nought.

Things looked good, things looked so fucking good. Just a few days ago, Dan had the feeling that his life might actually take a turn for the better - that things might actually turn out good for him for once.

He had discovered Phil a few years ago, the YouTuber with the unbelievably blue eyes, the warm laugh, the quirky videos. Watching his videos became a fixture in his life and he just couldn’t let go of the guy who made him feel better with every single clip. But it wasn’t just about his videos - there was something about Phil that captured Dan. So after he graduated, feeling extremely lonely, he’d decided to contact Phil.

Well, it had worked. And soon, Dan realized it had been the right thing to do. Because Phil was actually just as nice as in his videos - because he was even nicer behind the camera; when he wasn’t amazingphil, but Phil. Because they could talk for hours, because Phil made him feel less alone, because Phil made him feel -  
Loved.

Dan fell in love. There was nothing else to do, there was no way he could be rational about it. Getting to know Phil was just so overwhelming, so - Dan felt comfortable with him, on so many levels. And Phil reciprocated his feelings. Realizing this was mind-blowing and at first, Dan couldn’t believe it because why should a guy like Phil fall in love with him? He did, though. Even if it felt almost too good to be true.

Having someone who made him laugh. Someone who was there for him on his bad days too, someone supportive. Someone who didn’t put anyone else before Dan, someone who made him his top priority.  
His heart ached so much for Phil and Phil gave him so much already but Dan wanted more and Phil was willing to give more.

Being so far apart was torture. He longed for a Phil hug so much and he knew Phil would love to hug him too and it was just so frustrating. Thus, they began planning their first meeting and it was once again so overwhelming because Dan just couldn’t believe Phil would actually want to meet him, to spend time with him in real life. Nevertheless, he started looking for train connections to Manchester and every time Phil sent him a link with a connection he found, Dan just stared at the page for a few moments, heart racing, smiling like he‘d gone crazy. He never would have thought a page about train connections would make him so happy, but it did, it absolutely did, because it meant Phil was longing to be with him too, because it meant Phil felt the same for him as he did for Phil.

And then Phil went missing. Just like that. He told Dan he’d get on the big wheel and - that’s it, that’s the last thing Dan heard of him.

God, he felt so bad. Time passed - half an hour, an hour, two hours. And he started missing Phil. But - could he? Did he have the right to miss Phil? After all, Phil wasn’t obligated to contact him every hour. Still, it was so strange, not receiving any new texts from him.

Three hours. Four hours. The night passed. And the next morning, he saw Martyn’s post. ‘If anyone knows where Phil is, please -’.

Phil was gone. Phil was actually gone, Phil actually went missing. Well, at least Dan knew at that point that he wasn’t overprotective, that he hadn’t expected too much from Phil. It was appropriate to worry about Phil.

Dan couldn’t stand it. Those hours were the worst in his life. Sitting at home, not knowing what to do because he couldn’t even wait for news from Phil, because he didn’t know if there would be news from Phil... So he just went to the train station, bought a train ticket and travelled to Manchester. He met up with Martyn, who offered him a place to stay so he got to meet Phil’s parents too.

Being in Manchester felt good. Well, not exactly good, but - better than hanging around at home. At least it felt like taking action, like doing something to find Phil. But - that’s it. And now, he’s in the damn wheel again, crying because he can’t keep his shit together after all.

He’d looked forward to going to Manchester for so long. And now, he’s here, all on his own. Without Phil. Still worrying about Phil.

Another look at his phone.

’I love you <3’

It feels like bitter irony that those were the last words Phil sent him. It’s barely coincidental, after all Phil ended many texts with these words, but still - Dan feels like something is mocking him. Fate? His phone? He can’t tell. Yes, there’s this guy out there who loves him, and Dan finally managed to go to the guy’s hometown but it’s not enough, it doesn’t give him what he was looking for because Phil is gone, because Phil is fucking gone.

Dan slides his phone into his pocket, he takes a deep breath. God, if he could stop crying for a few moments... It seems to be some kind of reflex, his body trying to be productive in any way.

The cabin descends. But then -

All of a sudden, Dan loses his footing. He just manages to grab the handle before he hits the floor and barely avoids hitting his head at the window.

‘Damn, what was that?’ He had taken so many rides on this damn wheel but he’d never experienced something like that before. The rides on the big wheel are smooth, every single one is, so -

He lifts his head, looking outside, his heart racing after the shock. What if something hit the cabin? Would there be some -

Shit. The sky. The colours. They changed, they fucking changed. The sky is now a soft red, just like the sun was setting. But it isn’t, it’s the middle of the day and - more importantly - it hadn’t looked like that just a few moments ago, before this crash thing, whatever was going on.

Dan blinks. Once, twice. And suddenly, everything is back to normal. The sky is the same blue it had been before, some clouds scattered across. The cabin moves on, steady, without any shaking, without any sign of being hit.

Did he hit his head after all? Did he just black out for a moment and the colour thing was just him being dizzy? Or - is he just going mad? He hasn’t gotten much sleep since Phil went missing, he’s felt so stressed because he’s worrying all the time - maybe it has slowly started to take a toll on him, on his mental health.

By the time the cabin stops to let him exit, Dan’s heart rate is already back to normal and his hands aren’t shaking anymore. It helps a lot that there are no signs of anything unusual happening - nobody rushing towards him, asking about his well-being, no firefighters taking care of the aftermath of an accident - it’s just the plain old Manchester, the plain old Exchange square he’s crossed so often the last few hours. And slowly, the routine takes over - or is it the helplessness? Dan can’t tell anymore. Whatever - he can’t keep wondering about the cabin incident for longer. Now his mind is back to ‘Where the fuck is Phil?’.

Dan starts walking. By now, he doesn’t even think about where to go anymore, he just - walks. Heading wherever his steps lead him, letting crowds influence his path as he avoids them, letting his gaze wander, always watching, always looking for the smallest clue leading him towards Phil.

And then, he stops dead in his tracks.

There’s someone.

It’s Phil and at first, Dan doesn’t even dare to believe his eyes.  
It’s Phil and Dan feels -

Overwhelmed. Yes, that captures it quite well. Because - It’s Phil. Fucking Phil. And he’s been looking forward to this moment for so long, for so fucking long, and now he’s here, just like that, a real person, not just the guy from the internet anymore, not just the guy from the photos, from the video chats anymore.  
And at the same time -

He found Phil.

It’s as if someone had taken the weight of the last few hours off his shoulders. 

Phil is there. Just like that. Heading towards him, lifting his hand to fix his pitch-black hair and Dan feels like he’s about to faint because he’s just that overwhelmed, because he just wasn’t prepared, he did wait for this fucking moment, but still, it’s so out of the blue, so unexpected, so -

Dan feels his heart pounding as he puts his hand on his chest. It kind of reassures him, tells him he’s not just dreaming, not just hallucinating - no, this is the reality, this is actually happening and he feels a bit light-headed, just as if all the thoughts, all the worries disappeared all of a sudden, leaving some kind of vacuum.

Phil. His crush. The guy who went missing without a trace. He’s there, all of a sudden, and he’s alright and -

That’s when Phil lifts his head. That’s when Phil spots him too, that’s when Phil starts smiling, that’s when Phil starts walking faster but Dan is even faster, he just can’t hold back now, he starts running, he’s -

Hugging Phil. Pulling him close, burying his face against his shoulder. Looking for support. Finding it.  
Phil’s voice. So incredulous and yet so soft. “You’re here.”

“Yes. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I -” Dan loses his train of thoughts as he sees Phil’s smile. It’s not bad at all to loosen the hug a bit because now, he can see Phil smiling.

It takes a few moments until Dan regains his composure, at least a bit, and continues. “I was so scared. I - what happened?”

Phil raises his eyebrows a bit. He keeps smiling, though. “What?”

Dan’s taken aback by the question. That’s - Isn’t that the logical thing to ask? After all, Phil was gone for two days now. He should have expected him to ask some questions. “You disappeared. Where were you?”

“I -” Phil frowns.

And then, something changes. Dan can’t even tell what it is - it’s nothing significant and for a short moment, he wonders if his brain is making up some shit, but there are so many small clues. Phil’s smile, getting forced. Phil pulling away. Phil’s expression going cold, unapproachable, somehow.

“Sorry. I’d love to chat with you a bit longer, but... I need to go now. Sorry.” Phil disappears just as fast as he appeared. He just turns around and walks away.

Dan stares at his back, stares at Phil disappearing in the crowd around the big wheel, crossing the junction at the end of the pedestrian area.

‘Okay. Wow. That’s it, apparently. But that’s not the way it was supposed to go.’

Damn, Dan had dreamed of this day, of this moment. And well, it’d worked. He found Phil.

It just wasn’t the Phil he expected to find.

Dan’s still standing in front of the big wheel, watching people walking past him but not really because he’s busy dealing with all the questions in his head. Why? How? Why didn’t he figure out the real Phil? How could he fall in love with Phil over the internet without realizing how cold, how distant he could be? And - most important of all: What now? What should he do now?

Go home, probably. Just go to the train station, buy a ticket for the next train heading south and that’s it. But damn, it hurts, it hurts so much - that’s not how their story was supposed to end! After all, this wasn’t even supposed to be the end, their first meeting should have been the beginning of something bigger, something even bigger than the months before. And now, it’s over, just like that.

Well, there’s nothing he can do about it. He had given Phil a shot, he’d realized Phil wasn’t the way he pretended to be online, chapter closed.

Should he go see Martyn? Just return to the Lesters’ home one last time to say goodbye? It would feel right and he’d love to see the whole family again. After all, Martyn was the one to tell him it would be okay if he joined them, after all, he, Kath and Nigel had made him feel welcome at their place. Even though he’d worried about being a burden – they made sure to show him they took his fears seriously, they didn’t want to see him unhappy.  
(Damn, it hurts. He got along with Phil’s family so well – what else could he ask for? Dan had dared to dream about the time when Phil would be with them again, when they would focus on their relationship again - when he would tell Phil he had already taken the first steps by being welcomed by his family. But now he’d found Phil and it was of no use at all. There would be no more ‘relationship’.)

Well, Martyn will find out soon that Phil was back. Phil’s going to head home, they can celebrate their family reunion... without Dan. He isn’t part of the family anymore. He’s just the guy Phil tried to get away from as quickly as possible.

Yeah, he should probably head to the train station but - he can’t. He just can’t move, he can’t make any plans, he -

Dan feels like he’s frozen, paralysed from shock. It’s about the defeat, about a defeat he’s not willing to accept yet because it’s so devastating, because it’s not some bullshit about honour, but about realizing he’d fallen for the wrong guy, for some guy who deceived him.

Damn, what would he even tell his parents when he returns home? Of course, this would have been an issue even in the best case - after all, he’s not out to them and it should stay that way. So he couldn’t tell them he ran away because of the guy he fell in love with. But finding an excuse seemed to be so much easier when the trip was worth it. Now, just the vision of them looking at him, waiting for an explanation, while he needs to suppress the heartbreak... Oh no, he can’t stand it.

Dan can’t tell how long he stood there, just - feeling bad, so, so bad. But all of a sudden, something catches his eye. A commotion. Somebody running. Somebo- Phil?  
Someone right in front of him. Black hair, blue eyes - Phil, it has to be Phil but it can’t be but he looks like Phil and -  
This someone is hugging him, knocking the air out of his lungs because he pulls Dan close, so close.

Phil. It’s Phil. There’s no doubt, Dan just knows it. But -  
There’s something else.

“Oh god, you’re here, you’re actually here!” Phil sounds breathless and still, Dan recognizes his voice, still, Dan can make the comparison, can realize he’s heard this voice before, not just in hours of Skype calls but right now, just a few moments ago.  
And yet, something is different. Something is off. Or - something was off before.

Dan’s heart races, he closes his eyes and rests his head against Phil’s shoulder.

Should he feel gullible? Predictable? After all, he’s just found out Phil was a fraud - and now that he’s back again, he just forgets about it?

Well, that’s the point. He isn’t ‘back again’. There’s a thought flickering through Dan’s mind, he just can’t get a hold of it, but - something’s going on here. Something is -

’You’re actually here’. He didn’t say ‘still’, did he? But Phil knew he’s here, he met him at this exact spot before, so why is he so surprised? Apparently it’s not because he expected him to be gone already - apparently it’s because he didn’t know he’d be there. No ‘still’.

But - hugging Phil feels so good. Even though there’s a chance people might look at them, point at them, laugh at them, crosses his mind - he just can’t give a fuck about that right now. Just standing here, Phil’s arms around him, Phil’s breath right next to his ear - he feels so comfortable, he feels safe, he feels -  
Different. And still, he can’t quite grasp it.

Then, Phil lets go of him. He moves a bit away, just a tiny bit, just so they can look at each other and their eyes meet and -

Suddenly, it’s crystal clear.

“It’s you. This time, it’s really you.” Dan blurts out. And - the dam has broken, the clues rain down on him.

Phil’s shirt. It isn’t the one he was wearing before. The difference isn’t that distinctive, it’s just a different shade of green, but Dan knows for sure it changed.  
Well, maybe Phil just bought a new shirt, maybe he spilt something, making the shirt look darker now.  
No. No, Dan just knows it’s not that simple. It’s something else.

The look in Phil’s eyes. So warm and - Yeah, when he met Phil before, he wasn’t disturbed right away. First, he seemed to be glad to see Dan too. Still, it’s different now.

Dan’s heart is still racing, goosebumps on his arms.

This isn’t the same Phil he met just a few moments ago. And even if it sounds so strange, even if it feels so strange, so insane, Dan just knows it’s true. And Phil’s little nod tells him he’s right - tells him Phil knows something about Dan’s encounter from just a few moments ago too.

Dan doesn’t wait for Phil to explain himself. He grabs his arm, not sure if he does it for stability or to put pressure on Phil.

“What’s going on here, Phil?” It feels a bit unfair to ask this question. Phil seems to be overwhelmed too, he’s taken by surprise too. Still, Dan feels it’s okay to share his worries with him. And damn, that’s such a relief. This thing is messing with his mind.

Phil doesn’t feel attacked, luckily. He just moves his head from one side to the other, contemplating what to say. Then - “So you actually met him.”

’Him’. Who is he? It doesn’t help at all, damn.  
Well, it does. Because this is just what he concluded. It’s about another guy, about another guy that happened to look just like Phil, another guy that made Dan think he was Phil.

No need to snap at Phil, no need to tell him that he shouldn’t speak in riddles or in questions, that he should just answer Dan’s question. They know, they both know something is off already. And that’s another thing that changed - he feels connected to this Phil, he feels like they understand each other without words. They’re simply on the same page.

“The other Phil,” Dan says, even though It feels strange to put it into words. It already felt so strange having this thought in his head but actually expressing it is even stranger. Man, it sounds like nonsense, it doesn’t make sense after all, but still, it fits.

This is not just some guy who happens to look like Phil. In some weird way, it actually was Phil - but at the same time it wasn’t, at least it wasn’t the Phil that’s in front of him right now. It was the other Phil.

“Yeah,” Phil says. And just like that, it’s out there. “That wasn’t me, I know this sounds crazy, but I swear that wasn’t me.”

The other Phil. Another guy that happens to be Phil too. Realizing this and putting it into words is one thing, but Phil confirming it is another matter altogether. It makes it so much more...  
Real. Even though it can’t be real, even though Dan would never believe it if it wasn’t for this feeling of just knowing it’s right, it’s the truth, it’s reality.

“What’s going on here, Phil?” This time, Dan’s voice sounds so much weaker, this time he feels so much weaker. His grip on Phil’s arm loosens, he strokes it with his thumb, as if to make up for grabbing at him like that. And Phil looks at him and his eyes say ‘It’s okay’ and Dan just feels so overwhelmed because just meeting Phil, just this meeting right now, would be quite a lot to handle - feeling so connected, being able to read Phil within the first few minutes, already trusting this guy he never met before - but then, in addition, there’s this thing, there’s another Phil, there’s -

“I think we’re in a parallel universe or something like that. The guy you met before - he’s me but from another dimension. And I suppose we are in his world right now. Wait, I need to show you something.” Thus, Phil lets go of Dan. It’s probably better that way, passersby already shot some glances over at the two guys hugging for so long, but still, Dan is a bit reluctant. Even though they had to break their physical connection, they still feel close to each other and it takes only one glance at Phil to make sure of that. His soft smile, the way he looks at him as if the world around them doesn’t matter to him because Dan is more important...

Phil starts walking, Dan trails along beside him, slowly starting to process what Phil just told him.

Another universe. Another world. Another dimension. But - did Phil go mad? Is this something only a madman could come up with? Damn, Dan had walked along these streets for the last few hours, always keeping close to the big wheel in hopes of finding Phil there. And it’s the same streets they’re walking along now. The same buildings. The same shops. The same traffic signs. Maybe not the same people, but they don’t look any different, they don’t look like they belong in another world.  
Still, there’s - the other Phil. No, Phil isn’t mad, and if he actually is, Dan is going mad, too.

They stop right before the junction, at the end of the pedestrian area. Phil turns to him, looking at him eagerly, waiting for a reaction, but -  
There’s none. Dan lets his gaze drift but he can’t spot anything special. Maybe if he took his time, maybe there was a street sign that had another name on it, maybe -  
Phil gets impatient. He lifts his arm and points towards the vehicles. “Look. The bus. The cars. They’re -”

Shit. Now he can see it too.

“They’re driving on the wrong side of the street,” Dan concludes. Yet again he feels thunderstruck. It’s such a small detail, he hadn’t even noticed it until Phil pointed it out, but now that he knows what to look for, it seems so surreal, so wrong and yet, it isn’t wrong because the other people on this junction aren’t perturbed in the least, he’s the one who’s wrong, he’s -  
He’s in the wrong place.

Dan turns to Phil, he’s pretty sure every little drop of colour has drained from his face. Phil smiles at him but it’s faint.

“Yeah. So... I could also show you the other guy. He’s probably at the Starbucks over there. He likes to hang out there. I mean - I do. And I saw him heading there before, so...” He sounds so exhausted and Dan would love to put his arms around him, to hold him, to - just moments ago, he’d tried to find stability in Phil, but now, it’s his turn, now Phil needs someone to comfort him, someone to make him feel safe. Damn. Phil has been here longer already. Phil -

This is where he vanished. This is why they couldn’t find him, this is why there was no trace of him. He simply slipped into another world and there was no way to find him, no way of following him, at least until Dan discovered one and now he’s here too and -  
They’re away from home. Like, really away. They can’t just go back, they can’t hop on the bus to go to the Lester home, they can’t even catch a train to London, to Reading, to Wokingham - well, they probably could, but it’s not the same. It’s another Lester home, another London, another Reading, another Wokingham and maybe there’d be Phil’s family, too, Dan’s family, too, but they would be ‘the other guys’ and -

Oh shit. Out there, there’s probably another Dan as well. Just like there’s the other Phil over there at Starbucks.

Dan feels like he’s about to pass out.

But still, there’s Phil. Yes, the wrong one at Starbucks but also the real one right in front of him and - wow, just a few minutes ago, he was so heartbroken, he was planning to return home because he felt like Phil had presented a fake version of himself, he felt like Phil wasn’t the guy he had fallen in love with. Well, he was right, this actually wasn’t the guy Dan had fallen in love with but he would have never expected to find the right guy - and to find out he was in another universe.

Still, he’s kind of glad. Especially right now, especially because he’s so confused and nothing makes sense anymore but at least there’s Phil and it feels so natural to be with him and he may be confused and overwhelmed and in panic but at least he’s not alone. He can just reach out to him and - “Phil, what do we do now?”

Phil’s smile gets a bit brighter, just as if he had read his mind, just as if he had come to the same conclusion. Even with all the stuff going down right now, one thing is certain - they fell for each other fittingly. They actually get along, they actually like each other, even in real life. (Even in another dimension.)

“I have no idea. But we -” And thus, Phil’s smile disappears and the colour drains from his face. He looks like he just got bad news, he looks like he just realized how bad their situation is. But damn, did he? Did he have an epiphany right now? He knew what was going on before and the way he just cut off in mid-sentence -

“Phil, what’s -”

“Wait.” Phil grips his wrist, staring down at it but at the same time, Dan feels like he’s looking through him, like he doesn’t even perceive him anymore. He sounds hoarse but simultaneously, he conveys that he really means it, that Dan should shut up for now. So that’s what he does. He doesn’t try to finish his question, he just looks at Phil, his heart beating so fast it almost hurts, his stomach dropping because something is wrong, yet again something is wrong but Phil’s reaction makes it so scary this time.

Phil closes his eyes, Dan focuses on his breathing. His chest rises and falls and Dan feels so much like putting his hand on Phil’s chest, to feel his heartbeat, to make him feel calmer, he doesn’t even know why he wants to do this but the urge is overwhelming and there’s nothing else to do.

They just stand there. Waiting. Phil - Phil looks like he passed out. But could he pass out like that? Wouldn’t he fall over? Whatever - it seems to Dan that he isn’t actually here anymore. People rush by them. Cars rush by them. (On the wrong side of the street, of course.) Life just takes place around them but they are left out. And again, Dan realizes it’s not because they don’t move, they don’t rush, but because they don’t belong here.

Then, Phil finally opens his eyes again. And - there’s something different in them. Fear. Determination. Dan can’t exactly tell.

“We need to leave.” His voice conveys the same feelings. Fear, determination. There’s no way Dan could object.

“Okay.”

Phil lets go of his wrist, his fingers trailing down Dan’s hand and for a brief moment, Dan expects him to interlock their fingers, to hold his hand. He doesn’t, though.

“I’m so sorry, Dan.”

“You don’t need to be!” Dan hurries to say. But Phil just shakes his head, sighing.

“This is such a mess. Everything is so strange. But please trust me - I’m the real Phil, I promise. And I know this is something the wrong Phil would say but - it’s really me.”

“I trust you.” No need to look for words, no need to reflect on Phil’s assurance. Yes, it is strange too, but Dan can actually compare the two Phils and yes, it’s the same person but at the same time, it isn’t. And he can clearly tell which Phil is his Phil, as in the Phil from his universe. He could come to that conclusion by logic because of the things Phil tells him - would the other Phil know about driving on the other side of the road? - but he simply feels it. Dan feels comfortable around this Phil (his Phil) whereas something felt slightly off with the other Phil.

(His Phil. He did call him ‘his Phil’ before but oh wow, it meant something completely different, he didn’t mean to distinguish between two different Phils. Still, the parallel makes him calm down a bit.)

Phil smiles at him gratefully. His voice sounds a bit calmer too, as he begins laying out a plan for Dan. “I rented a hotel room here. Let’s go there. I’ll tell you everything I know when we’re there, when we’re on our own. But don’t expect a lot - I don’t know shit about this place.”

“Sounds good to me.” It actually does. Not just the idea per se - seeing Phil grin as he pointed out his lack of knowledge, realizing Phil returned to his old self after this strange moment just then, still worried but still able to make fun of himself, makes Dan feel so much better.

Thus, they leave the big wheel behind them. Phil leads him through the town, they enter a hotel and shortly after, they arrive in Phil’s room. And Dan’s stomach drops.

Such a miserable place. It’s - actually, it isn’t that bad, it isn’t particularly small or ugly. But it’s so anonymous and sterile, nothing shows Phil actually spent some time here, it’s just yet another hotel room, nothing special about it. It wouldn’t bother Dan under normal circumstances but right now, in this strange new universe, where they are on their own, the lack of a place Phil could consider home hits so hard.

This time, there’s no need to hold back anymore. Dan turns to Phil, he just puts his arms around him, hugs him, holds him - Phil leans his head against Dan’s and he can feel him exhale and -

Shit, it’s so surreal and at the same time, it hurts so much, he feels so much sympathy. Phil was here all on his own until he got here. It was just Phil in another dimension, just Phil and a guy that was also Phil and -

Suddenly, Dan gets chills, but not in a good way this time. The other Phil. He hugged him too. He talked to him. He - It didn’t cause any harm, that’s true, but all of a sudden he feels like he just met a ghost, he feels like he -  
Like he crossed worlds. Which he actually did, apparently. But his encounter with the other Phil feels the most like having crossed a barrier and it’s so damn creepy.

It takes them a while to let go of their embrace. (Damn, Phil really needed this.) Then, they sit down on the bed, facing each other.

It’s time for the truth. It’s time for Phil’s story. “Tell me what happened.”

“Okay. Where do I start?” Phil runs his fingers through his hair, he looks a bit distressed. Is he still worried about Dan not believing him? Sure, he has a point, this whole thing is simply so absurd and Dan already let him know in their chats that he was a logical person, someone who doesn’t really believe in fairytales and superstitions and stuff like that. But this isn’t the right place nor the right time for the sceptical Dan. (The right place... Oh, how ironic.) So Dan takes Phil’s hand and intertwines their fingers. Phil doesn’t resist, not in the least, and the way his face lights up tells Dan he did the right thing.  
(The right thing. Again, it feels so good to be around Phil, to be close to Phil, so natural - and this on its own is so special, he wishes he could just focus on that. But no, they can’t enjoy their first ever meeting ever, they can’t admire how well they get along - they have so much to worry about. And still, there’s some space left for these feelings.)

“How did you get here?” Dan asks. Of course, he doesn’t know either what’s the best way for Phil to tell him about this world, about a world that he got plonked in at random, about a world he had to explore on his own until Dan joined him. Plus, there are so many questions, so many things Dan wonders about and he doesn’t even know if Phil has the answer to them all - but this one seems manageable.

Yes, it is. “I was on the big wheel. I don’t know what happened - I just looked out. The cabin started shaking and I almost hit my head and for a moment I thought I actually did because I was so dizzy, but it got better soon and everything seemed to be normal. So I just exited the cabin at the end of the ride and I wanted to send you another text but my reception was gone. Which is pretty strange because the reception usually is pretty good around the big wheel. That was the first strange thing I noticed.”

Oh. This sounds strangely familiar... Dan can’t hold back, he needs to share his realisation at once. “Shit, it’s the big wheel.”

“So - you too?” Phil asks, sounding hopeful. And damn, Dan gets why. It would be such a big step - figuring something out, figuring out how this place works, how they got here.

“Yes! It was the same for me. Cabin shaking, I even thought I saw the sky changing colour... I thought I was going crazy, I thought I was sleep-deprived. But apparently, something happened at that moment.” He recounts and as he sees Phil nodding, his excitement rises. They’re onto something there, they are right, there was something happening in the big wheel, this can’t be just a coincidence, it was so odd on its own but them having experienced almost the same thing and stumbling into another dimension just a few moments later... This is it.

Phil wants to enquire a bit further. “But where have you been? Have you been to the big wheel in Manchester? Or was it the London Eye or -”

“No. Manchester.” Oh right, Dan realizes, Phil doesn’t even know he went to Manchester. They were in touch for the last time when Phil entered the big wheel and oh boy, so much happened since then. So he continues. “I couldn’t bear hanging around at home, waiting for news about you. So I went to Manchester.”

“Oh,” Phil smiles and his smile is so sweet, so excited. “You made it work.”

Well. When they made plans, it seemed so difficult to go to Manchester - there was so much Dan had to take into consideration. But then, Phil disappeared and he just couldn’t be bothered anymore.

“I had to make it work.”

For a moment, it doesn’t matter that they are in an alien world. They just look at each other and smile and Dan feels happy, so happy, because - yes, he’d made it. He went to see Phil. Finally. And it was such a good decision, it was totally worth it. (Phil feels the same way, that’s obvious. Yet another fact that adds to his happiness.)  
It was totally worth it. Even though he had to enter a different world. And thus, Dan goes back to business.

(If it wasn’t for this bugging little detail, they might have kissed, Dan realizes out of the blue. If it wasn’t for the weight of being away from home, not knowing what happened and how to get back, they might have kissed. It was the perfect moment.)

Dan clears his throat and returns to his interrogation. They need to solve all these mysteries, damn it. (But knowing he was on the right track with Phil makes it so much easier. Knowing the heartbreak he experienced not that long ago was fake, just as fake as the Phil who caused it, is so relieving - just realizing that things between him and Phil actually do work out is so relieving.) “So how did you find out that you entered another dimension or something like that? More clues?”

Phil hums. “Yep. The thing with losing reception was odd already. Then I spotted a poster for the new Harry Potter movie - announcing it would be in cinemas soon. But it’s already out, isn’t it?”

Dan nods, Phil continues his list of clues. “Then - the cars. It took me some time, but something felt off about it from the first look on. Well, I figured it out after a while... And it was so confusing. So I thought I probably entered a parallel universe - it was just a joke at first but then I realized it kind of fits. And when I spotted the other Phil in the shopping centre... Well, at least I was kind of prepared. But that’s when it stopped being a joke, that’s when it stopped being funny.”

Still, he sounds so nonchalant... Damn, Dan can’t even imagine what he must have felt like. Seeing yourself out of the blue, walking along the streets like he belonged there? That’s bad, that’s really bad.

So he presses Phil’s hand a bit. “What did you do?”

“I bailed,” Phil laughs but it’s hollow, it’s fake. Dan can see the panic on his face now. “I bailed - I watched him for a bit to make sure I wasn’t making up things and then, I ran away. I got on a bus first - oh, yet another thing, they have the same money we do but it’s worth less so the bus driver looked at me as if I was trying to pay for my ticket with a hundred pound bill -, then I decided to get a hotel room. I mean, I have enough money on me in this world, I could afford just hiding away. And that’s what I did. I hid.”

Wow. This is all a lot to take in and Dan is so overwhelmed, it’s messing with his brain, he feels like he lost control of everything - but at least, he’s got Phil. At least, he’s got someone on his side who shares his worries, who shares this feeling of being overwhelmed, someone who could tell him what’s going on, at least a tiny little bit.

But Phil had nothing like that. Phil was on his own. Just himself and a guy that took his place which doesn’t help at all, which is yet another difficulty. Is it? Yes. Phil just told him he decided to hide.

“Because of the other Phil?” Dan asks, just to make sure. And Phil nods.

Not the worst idea, admittedly. Of course, Phil could have faced his other self, of course he could have tried talking to him - but who knows how the other Phil would have reacted? It wouldn’t even have taken the worst case scenario - the other Phil attacking him, trying to make him disappear. If the other Phil decided to call the police or some kind of institution they have in this universe...

“But you were outside when you found me, weren’t you?” Now, Phil’s smile returns and even though Dan can’t quite understand what about his question made him smile, he’s so glad. It’s bad enough that Phil was on his own, scared, alone - but now he isn’t anymore. Of course, he’s still a bit scared but at least, Dan is at his side now.

“Yeah. I - I realized I couldn’t go back home on my own. I waited all the time but nothing happened. So I had to find a way back.” Phil explains and even though he sounds more cheerful now, Dan’s stomach drops.

Damn. Going home. This is the most important thing right now - and at the same time, it’s so damn difficult. Who cares about how this world works, what’s going on here, why they came here? Going home is so much more important. Still, Dan pushes aside the thought. He can worry about that later - first, he wants to hear Phil’s story.

“I decided to return to the big wheel. Shortly before we met, I took another ride on it but well, as you can tell, nothing happened.” Phil points at himself like a magician that made a rabbit appear out of thin air. But even though Dan is quite glad about Phil’s relaxed approach, he needs to stay serious. There’s something he just noticed.

“No, something actually changed. I’m here. And I took a ride on the big wheel shortly before we met too.” Dan pipes up. And damn, it feels like he’s going crazy, the words coming out of his mouth are crazy, but it fits, it actually makes sense and Dan is so glad about anything that makes sense right now. “Do you think that’s why I got here? Because we were on the big wheel at the same time?”

Phil looks at him, musing, pursing his lips a little bit and the small pout makes Dan smile, makes Dan forget about this chaos for a second. Damn, he’s so cute, he’s so lovely and Dan is so fucking glad he can finally be with him.

Then, Phil comes to a conclusion. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know if the universes give a shit about us being at the same place at the same time, but... It can’t be just a coincidence either, can it?”

Dan nods. Damn, this time the euphoria of figuring something out passed really quick. They’re still at the same point they were before.

Luckily, there’s more he wants to know. And talking about their last rounds on the big wheel reminds him of something that already crossed his mind before.

“How did you find me? How did you know where to find me - and at the same time, you apparently didn’t?”

Phil sighs and Dan can’t hold back. He moves over to sit right next to Phil, putting his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. Ugh, all it took was this question - Dan thought it was a simple one - to pull the rug out from under Phil’s feet yet again.

For a moment, Phil rests his head on Dan’s shoulders. Then he lifts his head again to look at him, to let him know the answer. “Oh, Dan. I thought things were fucked up already - it was already so much to deal with. But -”

Dan pushes back a streak of Phil’s hair. Wow, it’s smooth. So soft. So - he barely resists the urge to stroke Phil’s hair. But the tiny little smile on Phil’s lips makes him wonder if it actually would have been a bad decision.

Still, he lowers his arm. He keeps the other one around Phil’s shoulders, though, and Phil seems to be quite happy with it, still staying as close to him as he did when they hugged.

Then, Phil focuses on his answer again. “Dan, I think I’ve got visions.”

Oh. Well, that’s -  
It’s fucked up. But to be honest, nothing could surprise Dan anymore. If Phil told him he went to the unicorn zoo yesterday, Dan would just accept it. And compared to unicorns, visions are a bit more reasonable.

Still, Phil feels so insecure about it. And Dan guesses it’s not even about him, Phil isn’t scared of the factual Dan judging him. No, it’s the fear of going crazy. But damn, he isn’t - and if he is, they’re in it together.

“What did you see?” His curiosity seems to be helping Phil. The wrinkles on his forehead disappear.

“I saw you. After I left the big wheel, I went to the shopping centre and - I can’t even describe it, it was just there. Like a dream but even more realistic and I couldn’t focus on the outside world anymore, I had this movie in my head. I saw you right outside the shopping centre and I saw that you were talking to - to me. Or the other guy. To some Phil.”

Okay, that’s creepy, that’s so creepy. Dan had made the conclusion Phil actually saw him - maybe he followed the other Phil, maybe he looked out of a window and spotted someone who looked like Dan. But - visions. Fucking visions. Visions depicting the truth. After all, Dan was right outside the shopping centre; after all, Dan was talking to the other Phil.

“Did you believe in it?”

Phil shrugs. “I don’t know. I - It seemed so strange. But everything is strange right now - so, why not? Also, I had nothing to lose. I had nothing to do anyway, so I decided to go outside and check. And that’s when I found you.”

They’re so close. So damn close. And again, Dan considers just kissing Phil. Just putting his hands on Phil’s cheeks, pulling him closer, kissing him. The fondness in Phil’s voice during his last sentence...  
Instead, Dan clears his throat. “But how did you know it wasn’t - you know. The other Dan?”

This leads to another bunch of questions - questions that he won’t ask Phil because he doesn’t have the answer anyway. Is there another Dan in this universe? Is the other Dan here too? Did the other Dan decide to come to Manchester too, for whatever reason?  
And - how would Dan react if he met his double? After all, he met the other Phil, but he didn’t know anything was wrong with him yet. Also, it’s something completely different when you face yourself, probably. (At least he’s prepared. Phil wasn’t, Phil just had a clue he might be in a parallel universe. Oh shit, he just can’t stop feeling bad for him.)

Phil grins. It’s faltering but at least, it’s a grin, at least he’s trying. “Your conversation. I have no idea if it was your actual conversation, but in the vision you mentioned that I had disappeared - the other guy was confused but I knew this was a good sign, I knew this could mean that we’re from the same place. And when I hugged you... I don’t know. I just knew.”

Oh, so Phil was eavesdropping on him... Yet another twist Dan didn’t expect. But hey, he didn’t do it on purpose and it made him brave enough to walk up to him and just hug him.

“Yeah, that’s actually what happened. I asked him where you were and he didn’t get it.” Dan says and Phil just nods.

Silence. They both need a minute to digest the news about Phil’s vision, apparently. Dan’s fingers fondle Phil’s shoulder, his fingertips caressing it over and over again and for a moment, Dan just focuses on that. On the feeling of still having his arm around Phil, of stroking him, of being so close to him and his heart does a little jump because it feels so good, so natural and that’s almost a bit too much.

Then, Phil pipes up and Dan zones in immediately, remembering that sadly, there’s more to their situation than this closeness. “I still didn’t know if it actually was a vision or a coincidence, though. But - the incident after I showed you the traffic.”

Phil shoots him an asking glance, Dan motions him to go ahead. Yes, he knows what Phil is talking about - the moment when Dan feared he passed out.

“I had another vision. And - I couldn’t test if it was right. But it was the second one, so...”

“What was it about?” Dan enquires. No need to question the visions - again, it’s yet another strange thing happening in this world.

Phil seems to be quite happy to keep going on - to get the vision off his chest.

“It was the other Phil, he was alone this time. But he called - you. The other Dan. He told him he saw his doppelgänger. And then -”

A big gulp. Dan pulls him closer, stroking Phil’s shoulder again. This time, he can’t focus on it anymore.

So there it is. The confirmation. There’s another Dan. It’s not that big of a surprise - after all, why shouldn’t he exist if this world seems to be so similar to theirs? Still, it feels so strange, knowing for sure someone out there looks just like him, acts just like him, is just like him - is him? (Dan decides to let go of this thought. It’s too disturbing.)

Phil’s conclusion manages to distract him quite effectively, though. The panic in his voice alone would have done the job already, but his words are even worse. “He said he’s going to kill you. Fuck, the guy who looks just like me told the guy he called Dan that he’d kill his double and - that’s you.”

Oh. That’s -

So that’s why he wanted to get away as soon as possible. Phil was scared of being too close to the other Phil - to the guy who plans to kill Dan. It all makes sense now and Dan’s body reacts to the information immediately. His mouth goes dry, making his throat feel like a desert.

Phil sounds really desperate now. “That’s so rude.”

Rude... Well, that’s one way to put it. Dan chuckles and it’s actually a bit funny. “Phil. What would you do if some weirdos who look exactly like us just appeared in our world?”

“Try to find out if they’re chill?” Phil shrugs. “After all, they’re like us, at least a bit. And we’re not threatening. Would you think about killing them?”

Well. Good question. Dan isn’t sure, to be honest. Yes, it might be super creepy if someone looking like him or Phil just showed up out of the blue. But would he have the guts to simply kill them? Would he feel threatened enough? Or would the thrill, the curiosity prevail?  
Dan shakes his head, trying to shake off the thoughts. It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s not about them - they are the visitors and the Phil who’s at home in this world decided he’d kill Dan, that’s it. Phil was right to hide from him.

“So... We entered some kind of parallel universe. There are other versions of us out there. You have visions. Is there something else you found out?” Dan concludes. But Phil shakes his head.

(Is it a bad thing, though? Dan doesn’t know, Dan doesn’t know anything anymore. Who knows, maybe there’s even more fucked up shit in this world and they just scratched the surface.)

“No. That’s it. I tried to find out what’s going on, but I didn’t find anything else.”

Even though that’s nothing new, Dan’s stomach drops. Sure, it was obvious Phil hadn’t found a way back home, but... Now he’s told him. Now, Dan knows for sure.

They’re stuck here. They’re stuck until they find a way to go home but Phil hasn’t found one yet, so how are they supposed to figure it out? Damn, they can’t even just go outside to look for a solution - now they have to take care of the other Phil too, making sure he doesn’t find them.  
Dan looks at Phil, their eyes meet. And he can tell Phil feels the same. Now that they exchanged their stories, they can’t hide from the bitter reality anymore - now they have to face the fact that they did some unexplainable dimension jumping and there’s no way to tell how to reverse it.

Dan just blurts it out. “That’s not what I had planned for our first meeting, damn it.”

To his surprise, Phil giggles. “Yeah. Me neither. Didn’t want to find out someone wants to kill you.”

Someone... Ah, yes? Dan snorts. “It’s not someone. It’s your fucking double. Maybe he dared to put into words what you’re thinking.”

“Yeah, probably.” Phil grins at him, but then, all of a sudden, he gets all serious again. “No. No, that’s not what it’s like, okay? I mean - yeah, this guy looks like me. Maybe he likes some stuff that I like too. But - I swear, I’m not a psychopath. I’m not like him, at least not when it comes to - well.”

He’s so concerned and ugh, Dan can understand. Of course, he meant it as a joke so he took no offence when Phil played along, but - he would have felt bad in Phil’s position too. It may look like a joke but everything is so messed up right now, so - who knows?

Dan decides to ease Phil’s worries without words. He strokes his shoulders, hoping to get across that he doesn’t feel offended, that he didn’t believe for a single second that Phil, his Phil, planned on killing him.

Then, to avoid further potential for misunderstandings, he switches the topic - away from jokes, back to objectiveness. “So - the big wheel. It seems to be special.”

It’s an easy conclusion - to be precise, it’s a conclusion Dan drew long before he even found out about this place, the other dimension, whatever it may be. After all, the big wheel is the place he picked when he went to Manchester - the place where he felt he was most likely to find Phil even though there was no rational explanation, even though there was no way Phil could have disappeared on the big wheel. (Well, at least no way Dan could have imagined back then.) And now, it’s back again, it’s the big wheel again.

Phil nods. “Yeah. At least we both got here on the big wheel...”

He sounds strangely daunted. Is it because this is all just a bit too crazy, just a bit too outlandish to actually be true? But Phil used to be the more open-minded one of them when it came to supernatural stuff so it comes as a surprise that Dan seems to be dealing with this situation better than him. (Okay, admittedly, it’s different for Phil - he’s been here longer. Of course, this does things to your head too.)

Dan can’t be bothered about it for too long, though. He feels this spark of excitement, this urge to solve the mystery - the urge to return the fuck back to their world. So he continues. “And I got here when we were on the big wheel at the same time. I was still at home when you were on the wheel before so maybe that’s why nothing happened.”

Phil nods. Nothing else. But that’s no problem for Dan - he’s onto something now. “Well, it’s easy then. We need to return to the big wheel. Maybe we need to be there at the same time again. Maybe that’s what it takes to -”

To return home. Even though that’s the thought passing through his mind all the time, Dan isn’t able to say it out loud. It still feels so surreal and somehow, just the thought of pronouncing it makes it feel so unattainable, so distant.

Still, the plan is there. Of course, it’s possible that it won’t work. Maybe it will just end like Phil’s trips on the big wheel - they would get off it, take a look at the traffic and the cars would still be going the wrong way. But maybe -

“Yeah. Do you want something to drink?” Thus, Phil gets up, Dan’s arm slipping from his shoulder. He avoids looking at Dan as he hurries over to the table next to the window - there are several bottles over there. “I have some apple juice, also water but without fizz because that’s disgusting, some coke...”

Well, it’s not a bad idea per se - now that Phil mentions it, Dan realizes that his mouth is quite dry. After all, he had his last drink (in another dimension) a few hours ago. But -

“Don’t you think we should go to the big wheel right now?” Dan enquires. He’s kind of waiting for Phil to reply that they’d just grab a drink and leave immediately. But no, he was right, Phil actually planned on staying here for a little bit longer, Dan can tell without Phil even saying something yet. It just takes this short moment of hesitation, the lack of a brisk “Yes, yes, of course!”. Instead, Phil turns around, a water bottle in his hand, fumbling with its label.

“I’m not quite sure. Maybe we should wait.”

Wait. Fucking wait. No, no, he’s absolutely not up for waiting, damn it! But Phil just continues speaking. “We could order some pizza and watch some videos. The wifi is super fast here, it’s insane.”

It’s -

God, Dan feels so bad. He stares at Phil and Phil has this look on his face, the slight smile, trying to come across as optimistic, trying to make him feel comfortable with his words, with his actions, with his facial expressions - and he’s on the right track, he’s absolutely on the right track, he would make Dan comfortable with his propositions, Dan would love to just hang out with him, watching videos they already sent each other but still find hilarious, lying in bed next to each other, arms wrapped around each other...

He would. If it wasn’t for this damn place, if it wasn’t for that strange portal or whatever the big wheel seems to be. Right now, the only thing he has on his mind is returning home as soon as possible, is trying out every single possibility to get back and damn, at the moment, he can think of only one and that’s so unsettling but he doesn’t want to focus on that, he just wants to focus on this possibility for now.

Dan takes a deep breath, he tries to come across as composed. (Oh, he isn’t, he’s so agitated and Phil’s reluctance doesn’t exactly help.) “We can do that at home too. Or... Later. If the big wheel thing doesn’t work out. But - sorry, I can’t just lurk around here, wondering all the time if we’re right and the big wheel is the solution. I need to know. Don’t you?”

Phil’s shoulders drop, he sighs. “It doesn’t work anyway. I had that idea too when I arrived here, but - it doesn’t work.”

Now, Dan gets up too - he needs to move, damn it, he needs to walk to the big wheel right now and if he can’t... He still feels the need to move. “But I took the wheel several times. I can’t even tell you how many times. It only worked the umpteenth time. Maybe the stars need to be aligned the right way. Or maybe we need to be at the same spot at the same time. That’s what you said too.”

God, he feels so helpless. The solution is there, right in front of them - it may not be the right solution, but still, it’s something they can try. He doesn’t even need to convince Phil, after all, he came to the same conclusion before. Now he just has to fight Phil’s stubbornness, Phil’s unreasonable reluctance.

“But we don’t need to go right now,” Phil says and Dan could scream in frustration. He can’t bear Phil avoiding their trip but he can’t just be angry at Phil when his voice is so small and he looks so tired and pitiful.

Still, the agitation gets the better of him. Even though it hurts to say stuff like that. “Phil. I’m not willing to hide away, waiting for a solution to appear out of the blue. Especially not when there’s one right in front of us.”

“Dan -” Phil reaches out to him and damn, his heart hurts so much. Of course he wants to spend time with him, of course he wants Phil to feel comfortable and he really appreciates the fact that Phil feels comfortable when he makes Dan feel comfortable, but -

It’s just not the right time. And it’s so exhausting that Phil just won’t accept it.

Dan turns around, turns towards the door. “Fine. You know what? I’ll go on my own then.”

Nevertheless, he hates himself right now. He hates himself for being so rude to Phil, he hates himself for hurting Phil. Even if it’s for the best, even if he needs to act that way to help them get out of this mess.

Dan doesn’t get far. Suddenly, there’s Phil’s hand grabbing his wrist, holding him back. “Dan, please - please don’t go. You can’t -”

A deep sigh, then Dan faces Phil again. But - oh, there’s no way he could have prepared himself for this sight.

Phil’s - pale. He was pale before, of course, he always is and the situation took a visible toll on him. But now, he’s white as a sheet, he’s gaunt. And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part...

His eyes. The pure horror in his eyes, on his face.

Dan would have never considered actually leaving without Phil - there’s no chance he’d risk going back without Phil. It’s either both of them or neither of them. (Or maybe Phil on his own because he’d willingly sacrifice himself to help Phil, but he doesn’t want to dwell on that.) He’d only hoped to provoke Phil, to spur him on.

Well, it didn’t work. It absolutely didn’t work.

Dan takes a step towards Phil, he feels his fingers slipping off his wrist. Is he letting go of him? Is he giving up on him? Dan can’t tell for sure but - there’s no need for Phil to cling onto him. Not a chance that he’s leaving him here on his own, especially not now, after seeing his reaction. “Phil, I’m -”

Phil interrupts him. His voice sounds so shaky but at the same time, Dan can tell that he isn’t holding back anymore. (That he was holding back before. That there was a reason for his reluctance but he couldn’t tell Dan.) “I can’t stand it, Dan. I just want to feel safe for a while. It’s so horrible and it only gets worse and worse. You can call me a coward, but it was too much already when I realized I was in another dimension and there was another version of me. You can call me a coward, but hiding was the only thing that made sense anymore. But since then, things have gotten worse. Now I have visions and it’s not like I just imagined something, not like it was a good intuition. Dan, I saw things. I saw what was actually going on. And - I didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t want it to happen. It was in my head all of a sudden, there was a thing in my head and it pushed everything else aside. It forced me to see the vision.”

He takes a deep breath and Dan can’t hold back anymore. Yes, he felt bad before, he felt bad for putting pressure on Phil, but this is - he didn’t even consider the visions to be such a bad thing. Strange, yes, for sure, but they traumatised him and the way he described it proves he wasn’t just overly sensitive about it, proves it actually is a scarring occurrence.

Dan reaches out to put his hands on Phil’s shoulders. He’d prefer to hug him, to pull him close, to give him some shelter in the form of an embrace, but at the same time - Phil is finally speaking up. Hugging him would interrupt him, hugging him would keep him from getting everything off his chest. So instead, he starts caressing his arms and - it’s such a relief when he sees Phil exhale, when he sees Phil closing his eyes for a moment, relaxing a bit.

As Phil continues, he sounds so gloomy, so resigned. “We don’t know shit about this place. And the last - I don’t know, the last hour made my fears even worse. So now I’m able to read the other guy’s thoughts. Awesome. Before the visions, I thought this place was almost the same as ours and it was already scary enough, but - what if it’s a thing here? What if we aren’t safe inside our heads anymore?”

Dan opens his mouth, he wants to tell Phil that it’s okay, that - well, he’s still not entirely convinced of just staying in the hotel room but it’s okay if Phil has his doubts, if Phil is worried. Doesn’t matter that they aren’t on the same page yet - at least talking about their doubts, about the pros and cons feels a bit like taking action. Damn, he hated it when talking to Phil was like talking to a wall.

But he doesn’t get to assure Phil it’s okay - Phil is on a roll now. “And if you left... I’m so glad I’m not alone anymore. Finding you was the only good thing to happen since I got on that damn wheel. And -”

Phil lifts his hand, cupping Dan’s cheek and Dan barely resists the overwhelming urge to just lean into the touch, close his eyes, ignore the world around them, just focus on Phil and Phil’s touch and Phil’s -

“I missed you so much. I missed everything, of course, I missed just having a normal life, having people around me I could talk to. I missed my family, I missed my room, I missed my computer. But... I thought about you all the time. I even tried calling you a few times even though I already knew at that point that my phone had no reception. And I read our texts over and over again because it was the only way I could still be close to you.” Phil has tears in his eyes, but his voice sounds so warm and loving and - ugh, Dan feels so bad about being rude to him before but at the same time, he’s so relieved because Phil isn’t angry at him, because - quite the contrary, Phil loves him.

Phil loves him. He told Dan before, in his texts, on the phone, in their video chats. He hasn’t said it to his face yet, at least not explicitly - but the way he talks about him says it all. And even though everything is such a mess right now, even though they’re in a different world and still in disagreement on how to proceed, Dan can’t help but feel so, so happy.

This time, he doesn’t let Phil continue. This time, he needs to interrupt him. “I missed you too. I was so scared something happened to you and I felt so bad because I realised I wasn’t even part of your life, I - like, I don’t know the streets you walk on a daily basis. I don’t know where you used to hang out after school. I don’t know if you could have visited some friends from uni.”

Now it’s Phil who wants to interrupt. But Dan already knows what he’s about to say: ‘You’re a part of my life. You don’t know everything but you know so many other things about me.’. Yes, he knows that too, but logic didn’t help when he spiralled. It had to be something different. And he’s about to point it out to Phil. “But I was the one who received your last signal - your text before you went on the big wheel. It proved to me that I was no outsider when it came to you.”

They smile at each other - no need to think about the future, it may be important and yes, also urgent, but this is so damn important too.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long. Dan remembers why he even breached the topic. “In the end, I didn’t feel that excluded anymore, but it didn’t seem to help find you and...” Hopefully, there will be no need to describe how it made him feel. Just the thought of this hopelessness tears his heart apart.

Yes, Phil understands. There’s compassion in his eyes, he strokes Dan’s cheek with his thumb and as his head moves a bit forward...

Are they going to kiss? Are they going to kiss after all? Damn, it would be the perfect moment - now, it’s just about them, not about finding their way home.

But it’s still there. They still know that they’re in big trouble. And apparently, that’s what keeps both of them from taking the last step. Phil takes his hand away, he clears his throat. Thus, he’s back to business.

“I can’t let you go. I can’t stand being alone again.”

“I won’t leave without you.” Dan hurries to assure, but Phil isn’t done yet.

“I’m so worried about you. I was since you arrived here but well, since then I learned that the other guy wants you dead and - that’s even worse than the fear of being alone again. If something happened to you...” Phil takes a deep breath but he doesn’t finish his sentence.

Damn, Dan would love to soothe Phil, he would love to tell him not to worry. But - Phil is right. It’s dangerous out there. They don’t know what to expect and well, the things they do know are already threatening on their own.

Before Dan can offer any words of comfort, Phil starts speaking again. “And I feel so bad about it. Because I want to take care of you, I want to protect you. But I’m so afraid and it was bad before but fearing something could happen to you is even worse. I’m scared shitless and I hate it. I want to be strong for you.”

Oh. That’s - that’s not what he expected. And he could laugh out loud because damn, they did some weird dimension travel thing, they overheard someone planning Dan’s murder, they’re stuck here, knowing no way out - and Phil worries about not being strong enough?

It isn’t that hilarious, though. It’s -

Now, there’s no way he could hold back anymore. Dan takes a step towards Phil, he puts his arms around him, pulling him closer, stroking his hair. And even though the sudden embrace seems to take Phil by surprise, he hugs him back without hesitation.

It’s so sweet. It’s so stupid but at the same time, it’s so sweet because Phil cares so much about him even if it causes him even more distress and - ugh, he could tell before that being here on his own was bad for Phil. But the way he reacts now... Oh god, poor Phil.

“Phil, you idiot. You don’t have to be strong for me. I’m here to help you, not to -”

Phil interrupts him. It’s not about the insult though - Phil has an objection too. “But you don’t have to. You don’t have to help me. It’s not about me, it’s about us. It’s - oh.”

Well, now he got the point too. Dan spares him the snarky remark, instead, he murmurs something into Phil’s ear. “You don’t have to be strong anymore, Phil. We will make it together, okay?”

This time, Phil doesn’t object. He just nods and Dan -

They will make it together. Damn, he didn’t give it too much thought, but now that he’s told Phil... Yes. That’s exactly what will happen and it doesn’t only comfort Phil, it helps Dan too - quite a bit. This situation may seem desperate, in fact it is, but at least they’re together. They can catch each other, they don’t have to be strong all the time anymore. And somehow, it’s also quite reassuring that it’s not just about saving his own ass. Rescuing Phil makes finding a solution more... heroic and that helps quite a lot to make him feel like he can actually do it, they can actually do it.

Dan closes his eyes and hugs Phil a bit tighter.

At least, he has Phil. He loves Phil and Phil loves him and it’s so unconditional. The love is still there even though everything else has changed and wow, that’s pretty overwhelming.

Phil moves back his head a bit, Dan opens his eyes again to look at him. And then -

~*~*~


	2. insider.

The couch is unoccupied. Phil sighs with relief - and at the same time, he knows he’d probably have had a breakdown if there had been someone sitting in his favourite spot. He’d have dropped his cup, started hyperventilating... It’s all a bit too much right now and he’s so glad that he got the couch at the very least.

Oh, speaking of the cup. Phil focuses on it again, tries not to spill a single drop. Shouldn’t be that difficult, eh? He might be a bit clumsy but he never spilled his coffee in a Starbucks before. Today though, his hands tremble and it makes things really hard.

Damn, he’s been really looking forward to this. Getting into Starbucks, ordering his favourite drink, taking a break, calming down a bit... But just as the barista handed him his cup, Phil looked outside and - there he was again. The fake one. And this time, he wasn’t on his own and oh boy, that was even worse.

Finally, Phil arrives at the couch. He places his cup on the table, sits down and - a deep breath, that’s the first thing he needs. His hands are still shaking though, even as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, they still do so as he dials Dan’s number, as he holds the phone to his ear, listening to the monotonous toot - toot - toot. Oh, hopefully, Dan will answer the phone. Phil knows he doesn’t have a shift today but maybe he had some other plans - plans that keep him from talking to Phil when he really needs his support.

His gaze drifts over to the Fog that settled right beside him and he sighs. Damn, he thought it had gotten weaker after he saw Dan’s Doppelgänger - after he felt this determination, after he decided to take action, in whatever way. It wavered, it became more transparent, Phil was so sure about that. Well, maybe it was just the wind. Or sheer hope. Because - does the Fog look like it used to? Phil can’t tell. But he can tell that it doesn’t matter anyway. Now, his Doppelgänger is here. And that’s a more reliable sign than the Fog getting weaker or stronger.

A more reliable sign. But a sign he absolutely didn’t need.

Toot - toot - toot. Then - a crack. Dan’s voice. Phil has never been that glad to hear Dan’s voice before and he really, really likes their phone calls, he really, really likes hearing Dan’s voice. This time, it’s different, though. This time, it’s about not being alone anymore.

(Well, technically, he isn’t alone anyway. That’s one way to describe his problem. There are those two guys lingering around somewhere out there so he isn’t alone.)

“Hi, Phil!”

Phil takes a deep breath, he tries to suppress his tears. It was difficult before, when everything was so overwhelming and he was so worried, but now that he hears Dan’s voice, so happy, so lighthearted... He is supposed to be happy. Phil wants him to be happy. But -

Dan notices his silence - maybe even his breathing, sometimes he’s super attentive and takes notes of the smallest things. All of a sudden, he sounds concerned. “Phil? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I -” Phil hurries to reassure Dan, to stifle his worries. But then he realises what he’s doing, what he’s saying. No, he’s not okay, nothing is okay, nothing is okay anymore and he called Dan to tell him about it.

Even though Dan can’t see it, he shakes his head. Then he answers again. “No. I’m not okay.”

’But you don’t have to worry about me!’, Phil feels the need to add, ‘It’s not about me!’ Well, that’s partly true, after all, he decided to call because he’s so concerned about Dan. But now that he knows his own Doppelgänger is around too, it’s about him too. Simple as that.

So instead, he takes a deep sip of his caramel macchiato. It’s hot, too hot for deep sips yet, but Phil actually kind of enjoys the burning sensation. Well, ‘enjoy’... It feels good. It hurts but at the same time it makes him feel real, it tells him he can still sense stuff, he’s still part of this world - he’s the right one, not the fake one, not the Doppelgänger. Apparently, he needs small pinches like that not to lose his mind.

Thus, he feels ready to speak his mind. (Ready? Oh, he probably could never feel properly prepared for this talk - how the hell is he supposed to break the news to Dan without scaring him? But at least he feels as prepared as he can get.) “Dan, your -”

No. He can’t. He just fucking can’t, he can’t accept the truth, he can’t accept that things got so much worse that they’ve got Doppelgängers lurking around now and he can’t put it into words because putting it into words would make it even more real and he can’t tell Dan because right now, Dan doesn’t know and he’s better off that way, he deserves to be happy and if he knew his Doppelgänger was here, he -

Stop. Freaking out doesn’t help. And - it’s wrong, it’s just wrong. Of course, Dan would be better off if he didn’t know what Phil just saw, but - for how long? Sooner or later, he will have to find out anyway. And Phil needs to make sure he’s prepared. So -

“Phil?” Dan’s voice is so small, it’s - it’s useless anyway, there’s no way back. Dan can tell something is wrong and if Phil keeps silent, he’ll unnerve him even more. He just needs to rip it off like a plaster. Quick, because prolonging it makes the pain even worse.

Another try. He needs to tell Dan. Now. “Dan, your Doppelgänger is here. And mine, too. I met yours before but I just saw them walking along the streets together.”

“Oh.” That’s all. Just a soft little ‘oh’ that doesn’t even sound like a proper expression and ugh, Phil hates that he’s stuck in Manchester right now, that he can’t be in the South, at Dan’s side, hugging Dan as he tells him the news. No, Dan is on his own and he is on his own and that’s a bad thing on normal days, but today, it’s fatal.

Phil stays quiet - waiting. Dan needs to process what he just told him and there’s no need to talk his ear off while he’s still busy digesting the news. So instead, he stirs his macchiato, looking around the room...

(They are not here. And that’s a little comfort. A tiny, tiny, little comfort but hey, that’s enough for now.)

Then, Dan is ready to talk again. “How did it happen? How did you find out it was -”

Ugh. Phil still gets the chills when he thinks about it. He was so oblivious... But he just can’t blame himself. After all, it was -

“I didn’t realise it was the Doppelgänger at first. I - I thought it was you. And I was so puzzled because you appeared in Manchester all of a sudden, I wondered if it was actually possible or if my mind was making things up... But then he approached me and -” Phil hesitates. It feels a bit like he cheated on Dan and it makes him feel really awkward as he tells the story. Ridiculous - neither are Dan and him a couple nor did he do anything that could count as ‘cheating’ but... It’s the hug. The hug felt so weird and part of that is that it was supposed to be for Dan, that it was supposed to be their first hug.

(Phil doesn’t feel like their first hug got ripped away from him, that’s not the issue. But he was so happy at that moment only to later realise it had been fake and there was no reason to be happy.)

“Yes?” Dan urges him to speak on. 

So Phil continues. “He hugged me. Well, I hugged him too. I thought it was you and -”

Again, he struggles to keep going. This time, Dan intervenes at once, though. “How did you realise it wasn’t me?”

A simple question that keeps him from lingering on the hug, on the inappropriate hug and Phil is so thankful for Dan’s help. “He started talking about me being gone or... I don’t remember exactly anymore because I panicked. It was so out of place, it made no sense but he was so convinced and - that’s when I knew.”

Dan hums. “Shit. That’s so creepy.”

Creepy. Yes, that’s the right word. If the Doppelgänger behaved like some kind of zombie, dead eyes, talking nonsense, not talking at all - that would have been scary too. But the eerie realness is what makes the hair on Phil’s neck stand up. He decides not to dwell on it. 

“Yeah. So... I left. Told him some bullshit about needing to leave right now and... Yeah. I wanted to get a coffee at Starbucks but when I looked outside, I saw him walking past the window and next to him was - well. Someone who looked exactly like me.”

Ugh, it was so strange seeing himself walking next to Dan but no, it wasn’t Dan and when he hugged him, he was just like Phil expected him to be so the Doppelgänger was able to fool him at first and -

If it was only the encounter with Dan’s Doppelgänger... Seeing his own Doppelgänger made it even worse.

Phil read people’s descriptions on their first encounter with their Doppelgängers. How weirded out they felt, how surreal it was to see yourself walking down the street. He never quite understood it - after all, he was expecting it. Phil had the goddamn Fog after all, he knew a Doppelgänger could follow soon.

After all, that’s the reason neither Dan nor him made a move to get closer. Even though Dan had told him over and over again that he loved him and - well, Phil never said it back because he just doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Dan does, but he knows there’s something, something really big, really important, too big to find words for it, too big to settle for a plain ‘I love you,’ especially before he got to explore it more. And he made sure to let Dan know about it. Still - no relationship. They didn’t even plan to meet up, although it hurt and he really, really wanted to be with Dan. But -

The Doppelgängers. It just made no sense when they knew their Doppelgängers might appear anytime soon.

So why should it take him by surprise to finally face the spectre? Why should it feel surreal?

But oh boy, he was wrong, so wrong. It was terrible.

Dan’s voice takes him back to their phone call. It’s a quiet gasp, then - “Shit, Phil. That’s so bad.”

Yes. Yes, it is. Still, he tries to make a joke. “But did you notice something? Even our Doppelgängers can’t stay apart.”

Dan giggles. Phil can’t tell if it’s a sincere laugh or if he’s just panicking, though. Whatever it is - it makes Dan think of something that turns him serious quite quickly again. “But why was my Doppelgänger in Manchester? I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Phil confesses. This question crossed his mind too, before he got distracted by yet another Doppelgänger. Damn, they thought they found out quite a bit about Doppelgängers, especially considering that it’s taboo to talk about them, that people prefer to turn a blind eye towards them. Still, there are so many facts that feel wrong, that don’t fit the picture they had. Like Doppelgänger-Dan being so - alive, somehow, so real, so convincing, not just an empty shell that pretended to be Dan. (No, he was Dan. In a way, he actually was Dan and - again, Phil shudders.) And just like Doppelgänger-Dan being miles away from Dan himself.

Well, the Doppelgängers don’t have to worry about keeping their distance - they don’t have to worry about some creatures that have such a huge impact on their lives. There’s no need for them to keep apart.

(Even their Doppelgängers have a better shot at a relationship than them.)

Dan manages to distract him again. “I mean, maybe it’s not a bad thing?”, he muses. “I thought they’d keep really close.”

“Like the Fog.” Phil intervenes. They’re on the same track now, thinking about the same thing. Their conclusion had seemed so logical, after all, Doppelgängers are basically higher ranked Fogs, if you will. So it had seemed reasonable that they would behave the same way. (It would also make their mission of taking over your life easier.) But no, they just wander around, not caring about Dan’s whereabouts, not caring about Phil’s whereabouts - yes, his own Doppelgänger lurks around in Manchester, in the same city where he is right now, but he doesn’t try to keep close to him at all.

“Yeah. Like the Fog. Always creeping on you... I kinda prefer when they’re a bit further afar.”

Phil smiles. It feels like they took a step back, not standing at the front line anymore - it doesn’t feel that much like an emergency meeting anymore, instead, it reminds Phil of their previous phone calls. No matter what’s the topic, they just talk, elaborate reasoning turning into rambling... They had phone calls like that about the Doppelgänger issue too, that’s why it feels so familiar.

“Absolutely. Imagine some guy just staring at you all day long, walking right next to you all day long... It would be creepy already even if he didn’t have the same face as you.” Basically, it just feels like telling a horror story now. (It helps that they are discussing a case which turned out to be rather unrealistic. Realising it could be even worse is actually a bit helpful.)

Unfortunately, that’s when another thought crosses Phil’s mind. But at least he feels so much more comfortable around Dan now, he doesn’t feel like hiding the truth from him anymore. Yes, he was shocked, yes, it was quite a lot to take in, but Dan is handling it quite well. So he just speaks his mind. “But we could keep an eye on them if they were closer. I have no idea what they’re up to right now and I don’t really like that.”

“Hmm. But what could they be doing?” Dan wonders out loud. No objection, Phil is quite sure about that - just a desperate try to keep the ‘it’s not that bad’ mood?

“I don’t know.” Phil realises he sounds discouraged. Oh, why couldn’t they stick to the horror story mood for a little bit longer? He hates being confronted with reality again.

It’s not just him, though. Dan sighs and - ugh, Phil would love to be with him right now, able to hug him, to tell him without words that it’s going to be alright, that their situation may not be as hopeless as it seems right now. Words just don’t cut it anymore, words feel too weak to give Dan some hope back. (To give Phil some hope back. To be honest, he’s in desperate need of a hug too.)

Still, Phil still got an ace up his sleeve. He clears his voice, then he decides to put his cards on the table. “Hey, it doesn’t mean we need to surrender to them.”

“Hmm.” Oh no. Dan sounds so unhappy, so distraught... Of course, he just planted the thought in his head that their Doppelgängers are already scheming against them and here they are, not even at the same place, unarmed, basically... At least that’s what Dan thinks.

And Phil aims to change his mind. “I’m sick of running away, Dan. I was already sick of it when I saw your Doppelgänger. Because - I just can’t stand it. I don’t want him to ruin your life. So... I will fight him.”

He takes a deep breath, then he lowers his voice. This isn’t something he should announce in a café full of other people, at least not in a way that could catch someone else’s attention. “I will kill him, if necessary. I will kill your Doppelgänger.”

There it is. The thought that made him feel so determined - until seeing his own Doppelgänger pulled out the rug from under his feet. But - it doesn’t matter that this guy is around too. Well, it makes things a bit more complicated, nevertheless...

He has a plan. And he’s willing to go through with it.

He’s willing to save Dan.

“You -” Dan gasps. Then he turns quiet again.

“Yeah.” Just a quiet assurance but Phil feels it’s sufficient. Still, Dan needs some time now to digest the news.

It feels strange to actually tell Dan about it. After all, Dan’s reaction shows that it’s a rather unusual plan. But at the same time...

Damn, he’s so done. The Doppelgängers ruined their lives before they even appeared but now that they finally showed up, Phil feels - stronger, in a strange way. Before this, they’d worried about an uncertain date, about an uncertain event. Now, they know what they have to deal with. Not 100%, after all just the short encounters proved to Phil that there’s a lot they don’t know yet about Doppelgängers. Fuck, he doesn’t even know if Doppelgängers can be killed and if so, how. But -

Now that it’s not just a vague threat anymore, Phil feels ready to fight. With the real threat comes the possibility to make plans, to finally take action.

It’s easy. If he killed Dan’s Doppelgänger, Dan could be happy and free again. So if he has to kill some weirdo for that... He’s willing to do it.

It doesn’t take long for Dan to recover. And his voice is surprisingly strong. His words are way more surprising, though. “I’ll join you.”

“You’re -” Phil can’t believe his ears. But Dan doesn’t even let him finish his question.

“Yeah. I’ll come to Manchester too. Shit, Phil, did you think I’d let you face the spectre all on your own? Especially when yours is around too? He will defend my Doppelgänger, he will fight together with my Doppelgänger. And that’s what we’re going to do too. We will make it through this together.”

Phil’s hands start trembling again. But this time, it’s not the panic anymore. It’s some weird kind of euphoria - it’s the determination - it’s -  
Dan is coming to Manchester. Soon, he’ll meet Dan. (He’ll be able to hug Dan, for real this time.) They will stand their ground. They will take action. They aren’t hiding anymore, they aren’t holding back anymore, fearing some nameless threat - they are changing their future, they are finally taking some steps towards being able to be together, to be in a relationship.

They will make it through this together.

**Author's Note:**

> psssstpsssst. want to know more? there will be more. 👀 pls subscribe to the series - a new part will be online soon!


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